Rant about doing not doing my art, life on earth, all of it
The opening rambling thoughts:
Everyday is Yom Kippur when you live in guilt, but truly only one day a year are we of the Jewish faith asked to atone for our “sins”; “sin” is an archaic archery term and it means missing the mark.
Oh many the ways I have missed the mark with my creativity. I beg forgiveness of my Divine Self from my small self.
OR Would you rather be Catholic and have guilt 7 days a week?
Of course Jewish guilt is never ending too, but we cloak it in “subtle” ways We call it loving someone to death, with the guilt truncheon behind our back, look out! WHAM! here it comes.
Choose the religion you wish to be born into before you are re-born.
Get your guilt tokens here! Get your absolution band-aids too. Pay later on the Deluxe plan with the Catholic church’s easy installments A few Hail Mary’s and a bunch of Our Fathers and voila…slate wiped clean until the next “sin”.
Poopy voice: feel free to stomp your feet as you do your rant or read my rant aloud with great gusto.
I don’t want to create I don’t want to laugh I don’t want to do anything I am going to sit in a corner and be poopy. I don’t want to write perform make anyone laugh. How on earth can you expect me to do this when the world is on fire, the nation is unraveling, any minute there will be knocking on the door- the thought police-, the anti-everything you stand for- the names don’t matter; always the same people, eons of these people going back thousands of years, the head-bashers the torturers, the soul destroying mobs.
They were there as Joan of Arc burned, do you think they are any different today? Same people different names different clothing different times, but all the same.
I don’t want to play I don’t want to make music and rejoice I don’t want to lift up my voice, my pen, my mic, my camera, my paintbrush, I don’t wantto I don’t wantto and you cannot make me! SO THERE.
How dare I be happy and bring joy, delight and share wonder when the world is going to hell? The world is filled with dread and disease, rage and evil, brutality and ignorance gone wild.
The other voice, not poopy not pompous, just wise and steady.
How dare you not bring light and joy and laughter to this insanity of the Play of Humins caught up in the dream of separation? You signed up for this while you were floating around between lifetimes, okay, okay so we sold you a bit of a bill of goods, we promised you cigarettes and booze, romance and lust, French fries and ice cream, okay , and cheeseburgers.
Okay, OKAY! I know…you indulged all that until you finally woke up, your waking up in stages, your 30s, 40s’ ahh your 50s….each decade a bit more ego crustiness( no, not really like a good baguette! It has not been that enjoyable) but more was removed, your soul becoming a bit more translucent, the opaque dark heaviness of buying into the collective dream ….sloooowleeee…dissipating..
Until VOILA! Here you are 72 twirls around the Sun, and in your 71st year COVID arrived…ahh, well the twists and turns…we never promised it would be easy, only interesting, didn’t you read the fine print before you flew down to emerge from your mom?
We didn’t really sell you a bill of goods it is just a figure of speech my dear sweet Soul named Suzanne, etc, etc; oh come on don’t pout and don’t throw a tantrum.
Your shining soul wanted to be here. Remember your mission? To shine your light into the darkness no matter how dark it gets. Some call it the Boddhisattva vow, some call it the insanity intention; some think they were sold that bill of goods up there in the ethers- all that appealing to your divine Nature “come on down and join the fun- learn to evolve the hard way-forget all you learned before and start over.”
The not so poopy voice now: NOT Going to start over am I?
The wise voice: Well, (big sigh here), well, if you believe in re-incarnation which I know you do, you do realize you had many lives of vast ignorance, or at least we like you to ponder that, how in each lifetime you are evolving. So unless you attain some Self-Realization this lifetime, how much more time do you have? Just joking with you, lighten up my dear Suzanne. Where was I?
Yes, you will return to the Earth, and perhaps all the stored up joy in your heart and soul will be even more accessible and your light more shiny and bright; and you won’t have to work so hard to be less encrusted.( NO baguette jokes again please). Your ego will be less attached and you will see all as your brothers and sisters. You will experience true agape love.
Less poopy voice: Hmmph, another bill of goods you selling me. Okay, I get it I am here to play and bring the light forward. To let go of my shadow and its demands for anger and judgement and justifying my hatred of those who hate. OY VEY. Hmm, maybe next time I will choose to be an indoor housecat. They are the true Bodhisattvas. In the meantime I have to go now, find my pen, my mic, my dancing shoes, my paintbrush.
To be continued
